How to Support a Loved One Going Through Infertility
1. Educate Yourself on Infertility
Infertility is a complex medical condition, not just an emotional struggle. Learning about the challenges, treatments, and emotions associated with it can help you better understand what your loved one is experiencing. Your loved one is already burdened with learning acronyms and procedures, please don’t expect them to educate you on all of these.
2. Respect Their Privacy
Infertility can be a deeply personal experience. Some people may share a little bit of their journey, while others may prefer to keep it private. Always follow their lead when it comes to discussing their situation with others. Ask permission to inquire or discuss their fertility journey.
3. Recognize the Grief in Pregnancy Announcements
If you’re pregnant or know someone who is, be mindful of how you share the news. Pregnancy announcements can be bittersweet for someone dealing with infertility. While they may be happy for you, it can also amplify feelings of loss. Try asking them how they want to be notified before any pregnancy announcements happen. For example, “If someone were pregnant, how would you want to be told?” They may appreciate a code word to signify or they might prefer it be discussed in private. Please do not announce a pregnancy without acknowledging your loved one’s struggle.
4. Offer Tangible Support
Infertility treatments can be physically, emotionally, and financially exhausting. Small gestures of kindness can provide comfort and show your loved one that you’re thinking of them.
Ideas:
Bring them a meal during a busy treatment week.
Send a thoughtful card or text to remind them you care.
Offer to accompany them to an appointment, if appropriate.
5. Be Mindful of Your Words
Seemingly harmless questions like, “When are you having kids?” or comments like, “You’re so lucky you don’t have to deal with kids yet,” can be incredibly painful. Think carefully about the language you use, especially during family gatherings or baby-related conversations. If you’re unsure what’s appropriate, err on the side of sensitivity and avoid assumptions.